What the 47% Need In Their Robbery Playlist

Posted: September 22, 2012 in Uncategorized

These are desperate times, my friends.  Even skin-dying, Latino vote-pandering presidential candidates know this.

In response to  Mitt Romney’s hopeless comments about the 47% of Americans that don’t pay federal income taxes, it’s time we got to work.  Not bootstrap work– wet work.

Hey, every player has their pre-game rituals. The new NFL season is already in swing, and every team loves their audio-juice before showtime.

What I posit here are the best pre-robbery jack-you-up anthems for the clingers on, the desperate, the underemployed and unemployed, the seniors, and all the entitled masses of the pitiable half of America that needs a leg up, a little help, or a little boost (hopefully of the Luxury Sedan kind).

Throw on the ski masks and pop these in the tapedeck of your ’94 Datsun, you spoiled hangers-on you.

“John” Lil Wayne feat. Rick Ross

Rozay had different words on his version of this song called “I’m Not A Star” on his Teflon Don album, but with Li’l Wayne on board it’s been tweaked and is now fully enriched, weapons grade jacking music.


“The Set Up” O.B. Trice

A street allegory about not letting your girl call the shots.  The video has some good appearances by stalwart westsiders like Warren G and the late Nate Dogg, but it’s garbage overall.  I’ve listened to this song several dozen times without watching the video, but now I see that O.B. kind of just looks like a guy who just took off the ref jersey after a shift at Foot Locker.


“Hip Hop” Dead Prez

“Would you rather have a Lexus or Justice?”  It’s a dizzying music video from pan-african zealots bent on thwarting the monotony of the vacuous self-gratification of mainstream rap, and totally goes against what I’m going for in this blog.  But hey, the beat is dirty.  The duo mainly got their start in black activist groups, but they are legit emcees.

They spit the second-best head-spinner on today’s list:

“If you a fighter, rider, lighter, flame ignitor, crowd exciter
Or you wanna just get high
Then just say it
But then if you a liar-liar, pants on fire
Wolf-cry agent with a wire
I’m gon’ know it when I play it”


“Made You Look” Nas

“Don’t say my car’s topless/Say the titties is out.”

I was merely remarking on your convertible, Mr. Jones.


“No Church in the Wild” Jay-Z and Kanye West

The song is short and malevolent, and the video’s tight even if Jay doesn’t quite understand protests.  Kanye does a decent job handling vivid lines with the beat and even outshines Mr. Knowles with help from Frankie Bi-Coastal (Frank Ocean).


“Ante Up” M.O.P.

A good banger from dudes that are truly skilled at well, yelling as a group.  Other than this, they’ve only really peeked up fame’s skirt through a fruitless lawsuit with WWE’s John Cena.  They also rapped in Swedish on a track for a Swedish-Kenyan named Ken Ring, who’s noted for being arrested for performing a song about storming the Stockholm castle and raping their princess.


“Twinz (Deep Cover ’98)” Big Pun and Fat Joe 

It’s a sample of the original beat that got Snoop his break in ’92 with Dr. Dre for the soundtrack to Deep Cover, but the song may be better.  Pun died in 2000 from being huge but had the quickest tongue in the game.  Though it’s a short lyric it’s the best in the list since it staccatos out crackling like the gunfire he speaks of in the song.

“Dead in the middle of Little Italy little did we know
that we riddled some middleman who didn’t do diddily”


“99 problems” Jay-Z

Is “I got 99 problems and a bitch ain’t one” a line about shutting out girl problems *sniff sniff*, or is it about a drug dog?  Anyway, my greatest love of hip hop is the narrative, something disappearing without Jigga and Nas. Enjoy.


“I’ll Still Kill” 50 Cent feat. Akon

50 was swoll in this one and Akon still had pull in the game.  The video is so bleeped out it’s not worth a listen outside of the album but I assume if Floyd Mayweather ever stops being such a stubborn sissy and fights Pacquiao, he’ll put this on repeat for training.

Great rope skippin, murderin’, brainless gangster shit.


“Strictly For My N.****Z.” 2pac

Old school ‘pac with bass destructive to stereos but worth blowing out some old ones if you are planning an upgrade.  Despite the youtube picture, this was Shakur pre-Death Row, and it sounds like it.  There are plenty of hard Death Row cuts like Can’t C Me or even Nuthin’ But A G Thang, but it instils too much nostalgia to be an effective stimulant for a desperate felony in these desperate times.


“Get At Me Dog” DMX

He introduces the world to barking.  The world then introduces him to google.


“Natural Born Killaz” Dr. Dre ft. Ice Cube

The video is a got-damn production, showcasing what rap videos used to look like back when they had had plots. It also portrays two pudgy rappers who’ve now become steroided out (Dre) and sold out (Cube).


“Thug Motivation 101” Young Jeezy

The real beat doesn’t drop until  0:30, but his raspy exaggerations are worth waiting for the drop.  Thanks to Brenton for this one.


“Gimme The Loot”  Biggie Smalls

Like a some videos on this list, there isn’t a video.  Truthfully this is one where the narrative is best played out in your head listening to it.  A true storyteller, he plays two characters in the song–stick up boys–one under the tutelage of the other, changing characters in call and response through pitch and rhyme urgency.

Biggie A: “Man listen, all this walkin’ is hurtin’ my feet. Ooh-money look sweet–”

Biggie B: “Where at”

Biggie A: “In the Isuzu Jeep”

Biggie B: “Man, I throw ’em in the Beam, you grab the fuckin’ cream, and if he start to scream, BAM, BAM have a nice dream”

Mitt: “My job is not to worry about these people…but it would be helpful to be Latino.

  1. mos says:

    I’m just gonna go steal some Romney yard signs…

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